Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
