Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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