the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
