so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize