woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My balls are so social today.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
