I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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