Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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