I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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