I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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