then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
