Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
