My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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