i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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