sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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