We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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