great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
