dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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