how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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