dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
