Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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