It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize