Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I faked an abortion last night.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
