apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
