Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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