you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize