I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
