I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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