Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
