also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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