i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
