Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just had sex on a roof
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
