he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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