I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
