onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
