My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
