He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize