I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
