for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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