omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
