How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
