If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
even my farts smell like vagina
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Pooping to opera.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize