I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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