and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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