That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
