I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
