That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
