help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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