OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I need help removing her.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
