Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
