it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
