You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
