We won't sleep together?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
