we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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