No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
