You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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