i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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