I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
