If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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