I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So I just went to clothing optional bar
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
