what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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