At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
