Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Drake has all the answers
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize