If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
