They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
