I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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