the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
