they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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