Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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