You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
