so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
