pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
