I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
In America we eat man semen.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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