No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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