Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize