Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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