the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize