Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
