I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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