none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
