Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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