i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
