if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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