had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
