My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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