I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
