But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
