I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
