Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
