She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
