I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
