she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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