i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
