Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize