this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
