You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
