At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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