Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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