I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
