I just threw up on my dentist
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize