The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think my fart just growled at me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
