i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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