I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
