If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize