i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
