sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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