I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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